I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
