She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I supernannyed him into submission
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
