There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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