The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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