Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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