WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
