fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
