That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
