I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
