i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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