I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize