He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize