So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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