I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
