Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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