Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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