i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
