I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
