A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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