How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
