Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
