best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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