we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
