If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
