Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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