new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
