Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
