Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
