i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
