sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
