NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
