it wasn't lemon gatorade
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize