where am i from again
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you inspire me to be a worse person
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
