she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This is the high leading the old right now
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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