I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
