if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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