But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
