Me. At least after what I've been through.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
