so explain again why im purple
no
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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