My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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