we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
