That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
