the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My feet surprised me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
