I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
