I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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