i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
