remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
