His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
