i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
