yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
