there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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