Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize