i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
