Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
