Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
