1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
