Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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