everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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