There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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