I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
