STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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