eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
