I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize