Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
