Hey man sorry I got all grabby
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
