I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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