Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
