CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize